A MESSAGE FROM LEBANON

18 years ago, i found myself standing infront of an Israeli soldier,..he
was searching my home for weapons,...imagine that my poor mom is a
terrorist, 18 years ago, i screamed loud at his face begging him to leave
us alone,....this was in the year 1982,....today, it is Feb. 8, 2000..i am
26 years old and i feel like screaming in the face of this damned
world,....justice, fairness, human rights,...these are all bull
shits...The electric power has just been temporarily restored for an hour
only so I'm taking this opportunity to write. I don't know when I'll be able to write again...
we are not silent, we were never silent, we are trying to defend our
country,...people are trying to protect their children when suddenly in
the night an angel visit us carrying his planes and striking the innocent
people....i felt the smell of death today,..the smell of war,...i spent
the day today covering the windows of my home with sheets and blankets so
that we do not feel the cold air coming into our bones,...the low air
raids pressured most of the glass of the buildings in the area,..the
window fell on my brother,...he is badly injured, i gave him 2 units of
blood,..is it why i feel that all the alphabetical letters are the same??
is it the reason for Saterfield [the US ambassador to Lebanon] asked from
the Lebanese to show restraint!

my brother is tonight in the hospital, mom is with him and i will be
within an hour with a dark cold night of Beirut,...Beirut, this Arab
country who resisted the Israeli army in the invasion of 1982,...... i
just wanted to send you a salute,...from a broken human being.....no, no,
it is not that i feel weak, no,...i am angry, furious,..i feel that human
beings can be treated like shit when big heads decide
so....retaliation???!?!? for god's sake, we are defending our home,..isn't
that one of the legal rights for the nations....Beirut was very noisy
today, the shops are trying to compensate their assured loss of this
month,...motors supplying power make me nervous,..i felt that i might end
this day in one of the mental hospitals,...i am still awake from last
night,...after 2 hours, it will be 24 hours of continuous non-sleep,..
...we are not silent, we want to protest,...but infront of what?? the
bull  shit UN, or going to the damned American Embassy,...we are the
terrorrists,...that's what all the people know, all this damned world is
blind.... .mom was cleaning all the damned broken glass in the
house,..i  was trying to buy bags of candles,....valentine on the
candlelights.......how thoughtful of this angel Barak who disguised
himself once in the 80's as a woman and killed one of the Palestinian
leaders in the area of Verdun/Beirut...Beirut,..the capital of my dark
country,... ...no power supply for around 7 months,...the damage is
about  millions and millions of dollars,....they told me that i should have
some juice after giving my brother some blood,..i cannot imagine any kind of
food,...i do not want to eat,...for god's sake, i want justice,..is it
that too much to ask,...please anyone there,..are you listening.... isn't
that the smell of death or that i am feeling cold,...i will spend this
night alone and the cold air will be celebrating with me my birthday....i
am angry and i feel that i can scream so so loud....... this damned cold
wind is getting stronger but i have no glass shiled to avoid it from
coming inside,...no one is thinking of replacing new glass with the last
one, who knows when Israel wants to defend "its right in occupying us"!!
i  have to send this to you now,for that i will lose power in minutes,....the
power supply and the power of my fingers...i am cold..maybe if i felt
that  you are reading me, i can then feel warm.

this is your correspondant from Beirut/Lebanon
Ghina